Amanda.

The today's been interesting. Today I got the new iPhone five! I went to the store and it was super crowded I've never seen it like that before.
My friend Amanda went with me today. She is probably one of the best friends I have because she always does everything for me. I know that when I need something I can count on her. Compared to my other friends she's literally the one that's always been there for me. I'm so grateful for a friend like that compared to other people who don't seem to care.

It's so funny how one friendship can mean the world to you. A lot of my friends I hang out with, they don't really like her for some reason. I don't know why. But all I know is that she is literally one of my best friends.

See a lot of my friends I hang out with hate silence. Silence to me is that you're comfortable with the person. Awkward silence only happens if you don't have a strong friendship. I am comfortable sitting in the room with Amanda doing just that. There's no obligation, no hassle, just still calm.

Well that's my little rant for the day, maybe another post later tonight, hopefully, if not see you mañana my friends

My heart goes out.

"I'll love you to the moon and back"....

It's late...

I promised myself I would post everyday and well I'm to tired to write so here is my happy song for the day. ENJOY!!!

Goodnight, its 3 am and its time for bed. It's been a good day so...

I am happy world, don't mess with me. Stay classy.

Words.

I need to write.

But what exactly is it that I wanna say? Sometimes I don't even know. I have all these words just jumbled up inside me just wanting to spill out. This is kinda a gross discription but you know how you get when you feel like you wanna throw up? That nauseous, achy,  gagging feeling? Yea, well that's me. But what's in me that I subconsciously wanna get out. What am I holding back?

Is it sad that I even don't know?

Words.

They can say all the right things, and all the wrong things. Sometimes even make you feel stupid. And right now I feel stupid for even writing this down. What makes my words so important? 
I think I am avoiding something. The truth. I won't go into detail right now but you know the saying, "The truth shall set you free"? Well I think that is total bull. I mean yea, you need to speak the truth but to what extent. To where it can ruin a friendship where you're trying your hardest to build this foundation and to continuously build on it. To say those impossible words that are the hardest. It can change everything. It will change everything.

I like where I am at. I am content. I am happy. Why do I put myself in these situations and tell myself "Oh Alyssa, It's time that you make your life even harder and put this friendship on the line"

Many of you reading this won't know what I am talking about and possibly think this girl is crazy, but you know what, I'm sorry. I am still not brave enough to write in my own blog which I know nobody reads since its just my rants of the day. Its not an educational blog but just a "my daily thought process" blog. 

Words will never be an easy thing for me. I am very weird at expressing myself(if you can't tell with this post at the moment). I hold it in, with the fear of being hurt. I have had enough hurt for this year. I am going to be happy and I think in order to achieve that I need to stay quiet. I can't afford to put myself out there. Not right now.

My friends tell me if not now, then when? Between you and me, I haven't put myself out there... ever. Because I'm scared. I'm scared of being happy, then having the happiness taken away. What kinda life am I living? I'm insecure, scared, and unable to put myself out there. I wish I was like other girls. Outgoing, energetic, pretty.

STOP! I need to stop it. I am the way that I am because that is how I was built and that's how God made me. I need to be okay with myself. I need to be and I will be. Sheesh! What a dramatic girl I am being tonight! hehe What is up with me. Well I decided that since I am no good with words I will start posting songs along with what I am trying to say. The songs may not always be what my topic is of the day but it will express the feelings I have when I am writing.

"Music says the words that we're to afraid to say out loud."

I am going to try every day to write in this. If not, then every other day. I need to work on my words and expressing them. See?? The past two posts I have told myself what I need to work on. Look at me doing self therapy and stuff hahaha

Well goodnight from Southern California, and hopefully my next post won't be as weird.
Til mañana mis amigos!

Its been a while...

So the last time I was on here was almost nine months ago. I was in a pretty depressed state if you couldn't tell by all the emotional posts. My grandpa ended up dying in Feb 18th, the day after my last post. It was such a rough time. Looking back from then to now I see how much I have grown as a person. I need to teach myself to be happy. If not happy then at least content. Life is such a roller coaster and I realized I'm not the only one who is along for the ride. I mean, I didn't actually realize it just now, I just put it into perspective.

Recently, I have come to terms with something. Don't tell anyone it's a secret: Well I am insecure. I guess posting this on the world wide web isn't really the smartest thing for me to do if I want my "secrets" to not get out. Its not like any one reads this thing so I might as well be honest for my sake. I have a hard time finding good friends. I am the kinda person if you need something no matter what I am there for you. No matter what. I figure that's what good friends do right? Well it seems all of my "friends" that I have seem to not have my back to that extent. Ah! But what ever I really don't wanna talk about that right now. I wanna talk about something happy!!!

WELL..... I QUIT CHICK-FIL-A!!!!! WoOoO!!! hehehe

For those of you who don't know, I worked at CFA for five years of my life. Literally a quarter of my life! And it was horrible. After applying place after place after place, I got an interview with Macy's! The day of my interview I was a wreck. So nervous! I got there a half hour early and as I was entering the building my phone started to ring. It was a private caller and of course what do I do? I answer it. All I heard from that phone call was. "Hi, this is Meredith with Sea World and we would like to set up an interview with you."
Speechless and stunned I managed to find my voice. I said, "Of course I would LOVE an interview! When and where?" Everything was set up but now I needed to focus on the interview at hand with Macy's. And Let me just say I nailed that sucker!

At work later that day, I was on my break and my phone rang. I wasn't expecting a call for a while cause that's usually how long it takes them to decide weather or not they wanna hire you. It was the manager Charolette and she wanted to offer me the job. I was so stoked I of course accepted but problem. I had an interview the next day with Sea World and I like to keep my options open.

Long, long, long story short, I went to my interview the next day at Sea World got lost, went to the wrong office, stumbled over my words during my interview which NEVER happens to me haha So I pretty much thought I didn't get the job with them so I proceeded with my training at Macy's. During my training I was still employed at CFA(but not for long). Weeks pass, literally, so I forgot about Sea World and came to terms with it. Well I was out to lunch with my friend that day and my phone rang. Private number. Picked it up and I heard, "Alyssa, this is Michael from Sea World. We would like to offer you the position that you applied for."

I was beyond ecstatic! Sea World was the primary job that I wanted out of the two and I got it! But there were three problems:
One: Sea World was an hour away from me
Two: The job was only seasonal with a chance of being hired on as Part-time
Three:  My car is in no shape for that drive everyday.

...... So I turned it down. I don't regret it I just kinda wish I knew what it would've been like. But now, I am out of CFA, loving my new job at Macy's which is ten min from my house and I work in men's suits. So many great contributing factors to this job. 

For the first time in years when people actually ask me how I am doing, I can honestly say,

"I am doing great."